Making stuff as a founder of Avocado. Former music-maker. Tuna melt advocate. Started Google Reader. (But smarter people made it great.)

Lesser Human

About a year ago, near my birthday, I had completely failed to appreciate the people in my life.

I treated them with disdain, hid stuff, actively twisted truths in order to avoid unpleasant-ness and to gain some selfish affection. Bad. Very bad. I lost a great deal then: love, self-esteem, friendship, to name a few.

I've since apologized, cleaned-up, and reformed. Now, newly armed with strength and openness, I (and, as is very fortunate, the people I hurt) have been able to move slowly forward. I'm like most cowards and criminals, it's odd, it seems we can limp onward - anyway ... undeserving, bruised and remorseful and sad.

But, H_ was denied a public outlet for her frustrations and loss. At the time she was unable to vent on a weblog or social network or other public forums. (The irony of my now working on these systems is not lost on me.) And until last night, we hadn't talked about it. I'd at least had a conversation with others, but not her.

What could be said now to make up for loss? I wish I knew. But I can help, as it's been suggested, by letting the bot have it. It'll look like a scar amongst the tech posts and chummy disposition. In a few minutes, it'll be here ... a chronicler without discrimination or personal regard and it can sweep up this mess and keep a better footnote of worse times.

I feel I can't apologize enough. But I can at least re-establish her original executive producer credit.

(Today's post is dedicated to H_ - and to better times for her. It's also dedicated to my pregnant sister who is in no way involved in my prior mess, but who's seriously about to pop and who is, with any luck, enjoying her birthday today without having to move too much.)
posted at May 18, 2004, 1:20 PM